Him and Hymns

So let me tell you this my sweet

I always had my god

It was always there

Someone I couldn't see

Tapping at my back

Poking softly at my conscience

But it was never more than me

 

 

But still, I was sucked into circles

Of responsible adults

The hysteria

The joyous tears

And then there came

The praying

 and  the laying

 on of hands

And for me?

Well, if truth be told, I never shed one tear

 

I would read the book

And good old  VHS and BETAMAX  would be trundled out

So I could watch the rejoicing throngs in action

And then there was the clapping

And I would feel slightly humiliated

And even more sad

Because I never felt

The euphoria

That all the others had

 

Tongues whispered in languages unknown

Did it comfort me

Did it warm my heart

Did it fill my soul

With assurances of salvation and afterlife

Eternal bliss

Not damnation

For a child

Looking for the answers that I could never hope to find

 

Of course there was the official outlets

Where we could see it all done

Properly

Majestically

Pomp, circumstance and no smiles

Just half empty pews of punters

Dusty old aisles

Getting their Sunday fix

And assuring themselves

That during that hour of him and hymns

They’d more than  done their bit

 

Musty old halls and energetic ladies

With colourful hats

Would entice us to beetle drives

Social events and dances

No touching or dalliance but good clean fun

For us soon to be adults

With our fresh open minds

Open pages

Just ripe for the writing

Of their doctrines

 

I made my escape in favour of general  teenage pursuits

The devil didn’t appear by side

Nor by my bed at night

I didn’t get cancer

I wasn’t injured in some freak newsworthy accident

Maimed beyond recognition

I haven’t suffered

Any unique personal tragedy

I am still here

And so is he